Disclaimer: Information presented here is for information purposes only and not ideal for those going through severe family trauma or issues like abuse. Always seek Godly counseling from licensed godly counselors in such situations.
Unlike friends who you can simply dump and throw by the wayside when they no longer add value to your life or when you no longer share the same life goals, cutting out a close toxic family member isn’t that easy.
Due to the fact that you have been with them for most of your life and we don’t get to choose our family like we choose friends who to hang with or be within our lives.
When your family is toxic, it drains a lot of your energy which you need to focus on your personal growth as you have to put out fires caused by a troublesome toxic family member.
There are several characteristics and dynamics which are associated with a toxic family member or members.
In this post, you will learn to spot these characteristics and dynamics which come with toxic family members and how to respond to them.
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7 Toxic Family Dynamics and Signs
- Critical and judgemental
- They always blame you for their problems
- They drain the life out of you
- They don’t want you to be happy
- They make you feel bad about your self
Toxic individuals or toxic family members are usually very manipulative in their behavior or actions towards you. They usually want you to conform to their wishes or subjective ideas of life.
Such kind of people will go to extraordinary lengths to have things their way. This is something you slowly realize as you get older.
As you know when you get older, your views and perspectives on certain things in life gradually change and evolve over time which may not align with the views and beliefs your family members have held for years.
Consequently, this could be the source of tensions and conflicts due to differences in opinions clashing together with manipulative and possessive toxic family members who don’t want you to freely express your unique self.
If you find yourself facing complex toxic family dynamics like these where you have to deal with manipulative and possessive family members, you need some healthy boundaries which will protect both of you in the long run.
Not doing so, might result in you in resenting and hating them which isn’t recommended and you might end up cutting them off our life once and for all never to talk to each other again.
A lot of families have fallen apart as a result of this and stopped talking to each other. I am sure you have witnessed this in your very own life as I have and it’s not pretty at all.
This is the common characteristic found or associated with toxic individuals or toxic family members in your family.
These types of people are not comfortable when you freely express yourself or make your own individual life choices especially when they don’t conform to their subjective beliefs which they have held for years.
Furthermore, controlling people will go to extraordinary lengths in attempting to control each and every aspect of your life.
Unfortunately, it’s virtually impossible to be genuinely happy in life if you are surrounded by such toxic individuals in your family if they are only happy for you if you conform to the person they want you to see rather than the person you truly want to be deep down your heart of hearts.
Such people always want things their way and if you do things or make decisions that don’t agree with their subjective beliefs, you will have a big problem or a fight.
As a result, this leads to fights and controlling or possessive attitudes towards you by these toxic family members when you don’t share their views or opinions.
Remember, you too you are still your own person with your own values, opinions, and life perspectives and don’t allow their controlling behavior affects who you truly are and what makes you unique.
You can always respond with love and understanding of your controlling and possessive toxic family members without compromising yourself in the process.
There is no need of responding with anger, outbursts, or vicious confrontations and arguments. Kindly understand that they are unconsciously doing that to you which was done to them in their generations before them even when they don’t realize it.
3. Critical and Judgmental
Another common sign usually possessed by toxic family members, is that they are usually critical and very judgmental about each and every life choice you make.
Usually, these individuals want to treat you like a child or baby who is incapable of making wise decisions by himself or herself.
In their mind, they think that you can’t make wise decisions by yourself and will try to criticize or judge your life choices if they are out of their comfort zone.
Very often, their critical and judgmental spirit stems from the deep-rooted insecurities they themselves have which they project at you by being too judgmental.
As they fear that you might get hurt not realizing that you are a grown adult capable of making his/her own life choices.
If you are dealing with judgmental and critical toxic family members who don’t understand your dreams, life goals, or choices, kindly sit down with them and explain.
You should clearly and calmly explain to hem how important what you want to do is to you and that you can’t be happy if you don’t follow the path your inner voice is whispering to you.
Be honest and sincere to them and if they don’t get it even when you have clearly explained to them, unfortunately, you may need to take your stance on what you believe in even if they don’t support you.
Remember, you only get one life which you can’t afford wasting it in trying to live it for someone else which will just eventually end up bitterly regretting at a later stage in life as you get older.
4. They Always Blame You For Their Problems
Toxic family members usually play the blame game and constantly blame you for their issues, insecurities, and problems while they don’t even what to do anything about their situations.
These types of individuals usually blame you for their financial problems and will put pressure on you to solve their financial problems or massive debts they have plunged themselves into.
Often times, toxic members in your family will blame you when you make your own life decisions when those decisions don’t conform to their subjective wishes and expectations of you.
Therefore, such kind of toxic family individuals will always expect you to solve their problems and issues there are going through without doing anything on their part to improve their lives.
Not only that, but they will also usually try to drag you or involve you in their drama they are dealing with on a personal level.
When dealing with such people, it’s important to set some personal boundaries for the sake of your emotional well being before things get too far.
Kindly and politely remind them that you won’t tolerate their blame game and false accusations they are directing against you.
5. They Drain The Life Out Of You
Another common trait and dynamics of toxic family members are that they usually drain your energy completely leaving you frustrated.
Good family members should always support and encourage you to pursue your dreams and life goals as long as what you are pursuing isn’t evil or sinful.
Unfortunately, the opposite is the case especially when you want to make major life decisions in your life or a major career change.
In these situations, toxic family members will not support your life decisions which are often the result of their insecurities and not fully understanding what you really want to accomplish with your life.
Additionally, such types of people don’t want or take pleasure in seeing you happy and fulfilled in your life doing what you love.
Rather, will constantly try to find everything wrong with whatever you are doing or trying to accomplish with your life.
To handle these situations, set some healthy boundaries which must not be crossed. Otherwise, this might just lead you to completely resent and hate them altogether.
Furthermore, creating some personal space and physically distancing yourself from them might be the best choice to make especially when family members become too toxic for you to be around them in peace and harmony.
Doing so will preserve your sanity, emotional well-being, and self-worth when you physically distance yourself from them but not necessarily cutting them off your life which is extreme.
6. They Don’t Want You To Be Happy
Being surrounded by toxic family members who don’t take pleasure in seeing you happy and successful in your life endeavors is one of the worst things you may have to deal with.
Having very supportive family members who truly appreciate your uniqueness and the unique gifts you bring to this world is a rare priceless treasure you can ever have.
It is indeed very painful and disappointing when you realize that the people who don’t want to see you happy are your toxic family members you live with.
Such kind of individuals will do everything in their power to make your life difficult or make you feel unhappy and inadequate about yourself.
Dealing with these types of toxic family dynamics can be very depressing indeed and I encourage you to seek Godly guidance and counseling when confronted with such complicated issues.
But remember this, happiness is your personal responsibility and no one including your toxic family members are responsible for your happiness.
7. They Make You Feel Bad about yourself
Unsupportive and toxic family members will often make you feel bad about yourself with their constant judgments and criticisms about you.
Being surrounded with such unloving and unsupportive family members who can’t appreciate your uniqueness and talents can be very depressing indeed.
Often times, this will result in your resenting them back due to unresolved personal issues and grudges you have against one another.
When confronted with family members like these, it is often wise to physically distance yourself from them for a while if they prove to be too toxic for you to be around them in peace.
This will help you preserve your self-esteem which would otherwise be damaged being around toxic family members who make your life a living hell on earth.
Life is simply too short to be surrounded by people who constantly bring you down and make you feel bad and worthless about yourself.
Now you know the 7 common toxic family dynamics associated with toxic family members and how to deal with them in love and understanding. Now it’s over to you to apply what you have learned thin this article.
With that in mind, you don’t have to degrade yourself to the low levels your toxic family members have. Always respond with love, calmness, and compassion in these situations.
Remember to seek Godly counseling from licensed counselors who will help and guide you in dealing with complicated family issues you might be facing wisely.
Always remember that the toxic behavior they direct towards you has nothing to do with you which is just a mere reflection of their deep-rooted issues and insecurities they are currently struggling with as well.
On the other hand, if you found this post helpful, kindly share it with others who may be dealing with these issues as they will benefit as well. Sharing is caring as you know. Cheers.
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